dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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