I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
