You made me cry and you don't even care
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
