I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
