I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
