This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
