My first STD was from a foam party
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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