I am puke
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
