I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
