Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
