Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
