with your own penis?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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