dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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