I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
