I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
