this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
