How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
