Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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