i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This house was built for laser tag.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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