good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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