i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
