I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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