I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
