We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
