Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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