I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
