My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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