He is an equal opportunity slut.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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