think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
