Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
