omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
