Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
