I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
