I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
