he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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