thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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