Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
