Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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