The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
