Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
