Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
