We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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