I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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