So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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