just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
