what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
