oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
