we made out on top of his cat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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