I want to have your abortion
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
