OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
