Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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