PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
