The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
