When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
